Saturday, April 19, 2014


Each year and each season comes a holiday without a part of my heart. Each year family and friends look at strangely scratching their heads wondering why you can't just "move on" with your. I think well medically speaking could you function with part of your heart missing from your body? The answer would be a resounding "no". The same holds the for the loss of a child. No parent should ever be faced with the burden of burying their child-however each day it happens. Parents are called into the doctors office, police station or school to tell them the worse possible news-"your child ma'am is dead, or has weeks, days or hours to live." So when we get those looks from people in our close but few circle ( ya know the few friends an family members that have managed to stay with you on the grief journey) they look to hope maybe today will be the day she gets over this loss. Maybe today she will be back to her old self. Again my old self died the moment my daughter died. My old self too departed this earthly body to never be seen again. The person you see today is purely irrelevant in the grand scheme of it all. The person you see today is missing a part of her heart. 
So when the holidays come and we sit a place at the table for our child, or we get out the toys they got from their last birthday---do us all a favor if you can't learn to help simply walk away. One will never know the horrid pain of a loss such as this loss if a child. The pain is a reminder each day and even more on holidays that our child is not with us anymore. Each day is a reminder that being alive without your child is the cross you must bear and at times----alone.
So for this Easter Sunday I say this,
My dearest daughter Makenna Caroline I thank you for continuing to bring me the sunshine on my darkest days. I thank you for being my daughter my one true great accomplishment on this earth. Until I see you again,
Forever and always,
Your mommy

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