The lies we tell ourselves

It's that time of year again where the pain of child loss rears it's ugly head. In all its splendor it creeps into your heart once again, into the spaces that have been left empty by your loss. We begin the cycle of emotions again each holiday season. Seeing all the children smiling, happy and the glimmer of happiness of Christmas beckoning in their hearts. This is something as parents of child loss do not have. We put on the cheerful smile that hides the sorrow that undertakes us each passing holiday without our child. The grief we hide is just that--hidden. We will tell everyone we are "okay", we put on the smile to attend events with our families those with children around our child's age. We fake it until we make it. We get into th e car, rush home and hide for a few days after a family gathering. We hide away until the pain is tucked away, buried into our hiding place of child loss. We keep it there until something like a song, or movie comes on again and realize we are in the throws of this time of emotional ups and downs, finding our new hiding space until the season is over. But ask us how we se doing? We will tell you we are okay, we are fine.  We love being around our families at the holidays, even if a chair will always be empty at our tables, and a space within our heart will always remain without our child.